Cautious

I've noticed before...
but I guess usually I don't care, you said I was the only one who ever noticed.
How you tend to hide yourself, behind your beautiful hair.
Then I realized, I knew you were different?
No one to compare, not a soul could be like you!
Your the one, even though I don't deserve it.
My soul continues on a different path than yours
On my own I will get this back
By myself I will finally get what I need
My lack of substance, I stand but want to sit
Cautiously, I take on the road to my death, weary of my life and uncertain
of my destiny.

Justrying

So cold towards others.
Then wonder why I'm so alone?
Justrying to get along,
without much success.
Bitterness can equal loneliness.
Although I cannot stop, money seems to rule
I try to forget ,or even retreat.
Undoubtedly, money rises again, just above.
Although it will not end, and I will never suffice.
In my mind I'll try to stay. Unknowing,disbelieving,
absent minded and eluded in basic denial.

Looking down at you, past the brim of my hat
shadowing myself, hiding who I really am
embarrassed by who I've become
and who you might think this time
I should have became
So I walk away as if I don't care
But I know it's not true
I try not to care
I finally realize one thing...
I can't hide my shame behind a hat
I feel less of a person for doing just that

And still I hide my myself
letting very little out

Some People

People live amongst us without a heart.
They have no compassion, they don't care for no one else.
As you starve they eat in front of you.
As you thirst they drink without a second thought.
Every dollar every penny, if borrowed you always owe.
For they will never, ever let it go.
As they hold it proudly over your head.
Laughing hysterically at your loss.
Thinking of themselves and not a person else.
They will die alone with their riches and wealth.

Love Again

Even when your near me
I still long for your presence
In the slightest breeze
I want to smell your essence
I don't need to say please
because you always know whats best for me
I can still feel your touch
even though it's sometimes too much
Love has done it again
the feelings are all on the inside
Trapped deep within me
just waiting for me to release them

Tuesday afternoon

I don't want to live anymore
I would rather just lie here
half on and half off my bed
No willingness to strive
It seems there is no one there to help
Don't feel like moving
I don't feel much...
But then I got up
my blood started pumping
rage filling me inside
I'm about to erupt
I feel like imploding!

But I realize there is still nothing I can do.
Except give in...

or give up.

This happens too often?

Backing out,lies,talk,manufactured.

Done deal,believe what you hear is true.
Don't tell me if it's not real,
significant lives are always lost.
No problem to us,don't care if you live or die.
Little masses of nothing,compared to my large mass of consumption.
They feed upon the poor of me,
then they try to lie next to me.
When to rise amongst the rich we are against.
We fail within the others ,only then to obey again. As we tried so hard not to suffer. Try so hard, not to suffer within...

Have you ever witnessed something this intense?
The government manipulates us, and we have no defense.
Someday we will defend our original right's.
Get back what is ours and set thing's straight.
Things will be the way they should have been all along.
Not like the way they tell us now, it could actually be good?

Happiness

The universe is so vast,
so huge and infinite.
So why do I feel so alone,
even when your near?
Believe me I would try to convince you.
Do everything I could, just to end it.
Instead I lie here in bed.
What might be worse, is I'm used to it?
With these dead feelings I continue to write,
in hopes of possibly shaking it.
But if its not going to happen soon...
Happiness?
I'll just fake it.

Left here, to feel.

Eyes are burning, it's mid afternoon.
I'm so tired and lonely.
My mind tries to keep up, by racing.
I'm not sure where to look,
or even where to start?
Staring into a corner,
the only thing left thats real.
It hasn't changed.
Yet I continue to breath.
I continue to feel.
I was a part of something?
I'll never heal...

How are you?

Sensitive to the touch,
acquiring acute smells.
Seeing the horizon,
smelling the morning air.

People are so elusive.
Everyone is scared.

Too much or lack there of

Breaks from a reality,
massive amounts of nothing!
Soaking up days and lives, or lack there of.
There must be something more for them and me?
Yet nothing ever does, and nothing probably won't.
Be within me, or I'll be without.

I deserve so much
But receive very little
No respect or thanks
For the hard work when I've slaved
No pat ya on the back
Or even shake my hand
Just a lonely hard worker
Not much in demand

Not very clear

Kind of exciting the feeling I get
Not ever knowing where I'll end up
Taking chances unexpectedly
Never knowing where I'm going to be
Too many options
They're all not very clear
Where 'am I going to end up
I'll never see or hear
Figuring it out your supposed to feel some what achieved
But that really doesn't happen with me

Look at what I have started, yet I cannot finish.

The feeling of longing, I cannot diminish.

What is wrong with me, I cannot explain?

That feeling inside me is gone and washed away.

Never mind that, I forget what I have to be.

Continue to be nothing, dwelling deep inside of me.

Better Off Without

you couldn't paint a better picture
to show me how you feel
by the look on your face
I can tell exactly what you are thinking
wanting to help me
wishing to be near me
but you should stay away from here
you don't know what your getting into
so I act the fool, yet you continue
you should get out
get away while you still can
your too good for this
actually I know, we both couldn't withstand the end

I've let myself go
I'm losing control
but nobody knows
and that's what I chose
I'm inside out
I'm all about
Don't have a mind
I'm so confined
I've already lost it
with one small thread of hope
just imagining what it could of been like
but knowing it's too late

Never any privacy, but I'm really all alone.
Going through the same routines, I pray for something new.
No one I want notices me, and the ones I don't always do.
Someday I know things will change, maybe even change my point of view.

Awake again, for there is no sleep
Some people think it's more time for me
But the things I need, don't necessarily get done
the burden of trying to sleep, is burden enough for some
I'd rather be sleeping and not just act like a puppet that's stuffed
the thing that troubles me most, is the Insomnia doubles enough?
I cannot even touch it... Why is it too far to reach?
But that's the way it is for for me, if you want to decipher
things do not differ
I continue to try
But only, to suffer...

if you could stay away
but be there as well
i wouldn't tell anyone
i might let you stay
if only the promises were kept
turning I may accept
getting away from this
as i want to so much
i let it go a little
therefore you can't really want me
you don't actually need me
i'm only a crutch

I'm so pathetic
I guess I'm destine to lose
I really can't wait till my next upset
It's depressing how I falter
Again, things don't go my way
They could easily crumble and blow away

So I'm glad to meet you
Your fresh and your new to me
Opinions and views, are a good sign in my mind

But I'm striking out again
In this life, I cannot win sometimes
kicked around and beaten down
That's the way it will always be

I could tell it was too late
In the past I might have been able to do something
But for her it was gone, another thing gone to waste
Another soul corrupted by me
I could see it in her eyes and I could feel it in my heart
She was so wrapped up in nothing
She'd forgotten what it was like sometimes
To actually believe in something, or what we call Life should probably deserve something
Who she used to be, fell apart right in front of their eyes.
As her reasoning went, and possibly never to come back again
I miss that person
I miss her so much
I feel like I've died
Isn't it enough

When all is lost and no one is there
disappointment reigns, I start to look at my self
Because there I am and I'm the only one to look at
I wish people understood or would at least try to relate
But they don't even try, though they should at least attempt

My Existence

Why am I born on this earth, only to spend the entire duration of it, utterly alone?
Why am I the one to get teased or ridiculed? Why am I the one who ends up on my own?
There is no one there to help, there is no one there to guide me.
Down this battered path, that lies beaten, it just lies there, right before me.
But there is no other choice. There is no other path to choose?
Just the path before me and it's littered with decisions and settling dust,
and it continues to do it's work. Only to indefinitely consume me...

Thoughts are measured by my mistakes
No courage while facing the intimidating past
Reminded of the things I've said,
or the way I could of done things

The days continue although it does not show (on my exterior)

What am I going to do, where am I going to go

(I feel inferior)

I can't sleep and that is nothing new.
Still worrying and waiting, for nothing to do.
Why I do not hate and why I do not judge.
Is my way of preparing, for what is not been done.
Seeing and hearing is not quite enough.
People may learn it, especially when times are rough.
The only way to advance and to be a special person though?
Is to live and listen, then learn from mistakes that have been made.

The winds have ceased,
so the time is lost.
Life turns out to be driven through.
But not always, without a cost.
Forgotten after your death,
you wish your time was more stable.
Unless living through the strife,
makes you feel more able?
But not me,
I tend to be more worried.

The time has gone, so where does that leave me really?
Alone, unwanted and feeling no release.
That's where I'll stay. But then, I'll drift right past you.
In one piece.


"About my decisions on poems that have let me down, and why I continue to write them?"

(BORING)
I wish I had more upbeat poems for ya???
But I'm better at explaining depressing stuff, rather than the happier things in life.
Poetry to me, has usually been there when I'm a little depressed.
I like it when I can say, or feel like I have felt the same way as a certain person, especially someone who I have never met before. It is a tremendous feeling, the connection there?
It makes me realize that some of us do feel the same about issues? Mostly it reassures me that there are others just like me?
Maybe I'll come up with some poems that are more uplifting?
(BORING)