Pauly's Poems

30 years old today

2009-04-24T01:41:00.000-07:00

30 years old today
I don't feel too bold this way
While I'm trying to reconnect
my mind has been so far swept
A lot like my intelect,to remember I would miss
but now, what do I know
I'm still only 30 years old
people may clear the way this time
noticing the change in me
everyone surrounding noticies
the difference about me magnifys their view
Now they know what I'm going to do

You

2009-03-17T01:55:00.000-07:00

I love her and there is not a doubt in my mind
For most people I guess, love is hard to find
Growing in my heart, I tend to love you more
Missing your stance, your grace
especially your elegant embrace
It's too hard to figure out
Too hard by far

Is it love?

2009-03-17T01:36:00.000-07:00

I could never leave you and I still can't understand why
I should have left you there, without saying goodbye
Strange things that have happened
You would not comprehend
It still isn't over, I just wish you could understand

With You, So True To Me...

2009-03-17T01:00:00.001-07:00

I want to be with you and everything I said was true
They would like to say we were too young
Too young to know the difference between the two
We of course both felt misunderstood, by the indifference they assumed of us
Going away though, never felt that wrong before thinking I knew
I wanted you back, wanting to forget the past

But by never seeing you again, it could be the worst thing that happened
Worried about where your at sometimes
I miss those blue eyes always happy to see me
and you were always so true to me...

Lie Here

2009-02-25T22:21:00.000-08:00

I've been surprised before but nothing like this.
Previous engagements turn up and my heart sinks.
I would like to act as if nothing has happened.
Sooner than later, I must confront whats in front of me.
Why I feel this way, is beyond what I think.
What do I want? What do I miss?
Today changes, along with my life.
The sharpest knife cut straight through my mind.
I lie here bleeding, with no one to care or to explain why?

Why? I may not ever know...

2009-02-21T14:54:00.000-08:00

I'm here now but for how long? I'll never know, till it's all gone. What I see or I might wish. This may never be what I really want. What I'm here for, I might not ever know...

The Time May Be Different, Just Not This Time

2009-02-20T11:03:00.000-08:00

I cannot be what you want me to be
Back then I was a child
Now I've seen and tried different things
I've turned out a bit mild
I wish I could remind you, of how I once was
But those times have passed through
Changing the way you may perceive me may be difficult
But I'll always continue in my own way
I will try to persuade you, every single day

Stagnant

2009-01-11T10:52:00.000-08:00

What happened to me was extra ordinary? Accompanied by expectations and worry.
Nothing I'm not used to.
but nothing unusual about the request either.
How do I begin? Should I even start and open a continuous strain of pain and suffering?
I'm not sure I'm ready for such a commitment.
Here I go again knowing what is wrong and what is right
missing what used to be, someday I will see.
stagnant again I become...

Cautious

2008-12-14T01:40:00.000-08:00

I've noticed before...
but I guess usually I don't care, you said I was the only one who ever noticed.
How you tend to hide yourself, behind your beautiful hair.
Then I realized, I knew you were different?
No one to compare, not a soul could be like you!
Your the one, even though I don't deserve it.
My soul continues on a different path than yours
On my own I will get this back
By myself I will finally get what I need
My lack of substance, I stand but want to sit
Cautiously, I take on the road to my death, weary of my life and uncertain
of my destiny.

Justrying

2008-12-05T01:22:00.000-08:00

So cold towards others.
Then wonder why I'm so alone?
Justrying to get along,
without much success.
Bitterness can equal loneliness.
Although I cannot stop, money seems to rule
I try to forget ,or even retreat.
Undoubtedly, money rises again, just above.
Although it will not end, and I will never suffice.
In my mind I'll try to stay. Unknowing,disbelieving,
absent minded and eluded in basic denial.

2008-11-18T17:29:00.000-08:00

Looking down at you, past the brim of my hat
shadowing myself, hiding who I really am
embarrassed by who I've become
and who you might think this time
I should have became
So I walk away as if I don't care
But I know it's not true
I try not to care
I finally realize one thing...
I can't hide my shame behind a hat
I feel less of a person for doing just that

And still I hide my myself
letting very little out

Some People

2008-11-18T13:55:00.000-08:00

People live amongst us without a heart.
They have no compassion, they don't care for no one else.
As you starve they eat in front of you.
As you thirst they drink without a second thought.
Every dollar every penny, if borrowed you always owe.
For they will never, ever let it go.
As they hold it proudly over your head.
Laughing hysterically at your loss.
Thinking of themselves and not a person else.
They will die alone with their riches and wealth.

Love Again

2008-11-12T07:33:00.000-08:00

Even when your near me
I still long for your presence
In the slightest breeze
I want to smell your essence
I don't need to say please
because you always know whats best for me
I can still feel your touch
even though it's sometimes too much
Love has done it again
the feelings are all on the inside
Trapped deep within me
just waiting for me to release them

Tuesday afternoon

2008-10-28T14:38:00.000-07:00

I don't want to live anymore
I would rather just lie here
half on and half off my bed
No willingness to strive
It seems there is no one there to help
Don't feel like moving
I don't feel much...
But then I got up
my blood started pumping
rage filling me inside
I'm about to erupt
I feel like imploding!

But I realize there is still nothing I can do.
Except give in...

or give up.

This happens too often?

2008-10-17T00:10:00.000-07:00

Backing out,lies,talk,manufactured.

Done deal,believe what you hear is true.
Don't tell me if it's not real,
significant lives are always lost.
No problem to us,don't care if you live or die.
Little masses of nothing,compared to my large mass of consumption.
They feed upon the poor of me,
then they try to lie next to me.
When to rise amongst the rich we are against.
We fail within the others ,only then to obey again. As we tried so hard not to suffer. Try so hard, not to suffer within...

2008-09-21T02:37:00.000-07:00

Have you ever witnessed something this intense?
The government manipulates us, and we have no defense.
Someday we will defend our original right's.
Get back what is ours and set thing's straight.
Things will be the way they should have been all along.
Not like the way they tell us now, it could actually be good?

Happiness

2008-09-19T04:02:00.003-07:00

The universe is so vast,
so huge and infinite.
So why do I feel so alone,
even when your near?
Believe me I would try to convince you.
Do everything I could, just to end it.
Instead I lie here in bed.
What might be worse, is I'm used to it?
With these dead feelings I continue to write,
in hopes of possibly shaking it.
But if its not going to happen soon...
Happiness?
I'll just fake it.

Left here, to feel.

2008-09-19T04:02:00.002-07:00

Eyes are burning, it's mid afternoon.
I'm so tired and lonely.
My mind tries to keep up, by racing.
I'm not sure where to look,
or even where to start?
Staring into a corner,
the only thing left thats real.
It hasn't changed.
Yet I continue to breath.
I continue to feel.
I was a part of something?
I'll never heal...

How are you?

2008-09-19T04:02:00.001-07:00

Sensitive to the touch,
acquiring acute smells.
Seeing the horizon,
smelling the morning air.

People are so elusive.
Everyone is scared.

Too much or lack there of

2008-09-19T04:02:00.000-07:00

Breaks from a reality,
massive amounts of nothing!
Soaking up days and lives, or lack there of.
There must be something more for them and me?
Yet nothing ever does, and nothing probably won't.
Be within me, or I'll be without.

2008-09-05T06:46:00.000-07:00

I deserve so much
But receive very little
No respect or thanks
For the hard work when I've slaved
No pat ya on the back
Or even shake my hand
Just a lonely hard worker
Not much in demand

Not very clear

2008-09-04T19:00:00.000-07:00

Kind of exciting the feeling I get
Not ever knowing where I'll end up
Taking chances unexpectedly
Never knowing where I'm going to be
Too many options
They're all not very clear
Where 'am I going to end up
I'll never see or hear
Figuring it out your supposed to feel some what achieved
But that really doesn't happen with me

2008-08-13T00:21:00.000-07:00

Look at what I have started, yet I cannot finish.

The feeling of longing, I cannot diminish.

What is wrong with me, I cannot explain?

That feeling inside me is gone and washed away.

Never mind that, I forget what I have to be.

Continue to be nothing, dwelling deep inside of me.

Better Off Without

2008-07-10T18:19:00.000-07:00

you couldn't paint a better picture
to show me how you feel
by the look on your face
I can tell exactly what you are thinking
wanting to help me
wishing to be near me
but you should stay away from here
you don't know what your getting into
so I act the fool, yet you continue
you should get out
get away while you still can
your too good for this
actually I know, we both couldn't withstand the end

2008-06-22T15:19:00.000-07:00

I've let myself go
I'm losing control
but nobody knows
and that's what I chose
I'm inside out
I'm all about
Don't have a mind
I'm so confined
I've already lost it
with one small thread of hope
just imagining what it could of been like
but knowing it's too late